Reaping the Actions

To say that I have had my fair share of struggles is an understatement some would say. But through it all, I can honestly say those tables always make the full turn. There was a period in my life that felt as if loss surrounded me. Felt as if a huge wall of dominos fell and hit the floor until I came to the understanding that the tables turned. I specifically remember after I had my son how relieved I felt because my pregnancy with him was hard. I had to use inhalers almost the entire time because he was so big. I was miserable during that pregnancy. His delivery was by far the easiest though. I was not planning on more kids after him. So my husband at the time decided to get a vasectomy after I had him. Long story short he didn’t listen to the doctor heed warning about still using protection for a period of time. I ended up pregnant, again. Not to mention dealing with the post- depression after delivery I was scared to death. I could not deal with this again, my mind nor body felt like it was going to pull through another pregnancy. My feelings and the words that I heard from him through me into turmoil and I went and had an abortion. He said that he would leave us because he could not and would not stick around. I had no support and that cut me to my core. So I did that and I have always regretted it. I knew in my heart that it was not right and that God would never want this. I did it anyway.

After that my life was a landslide of loss. Starting with my father, aunts, grandmothers, and uncles, everyone started passing away. My life was broken down to such a point that I didn’t see light at all. It took me six years off-grid pretty much to snap back into reality. And that was one of the hardest things that I have ever had to experience thus far. But I pushed, I worked on myself, and I made it back. Slowly building myself back up, I found myself again. That girl that lost her way during the storms of life. My point in writing this is to not only get it off my chest but to be a hope for someone else. To encourage someone to make decisions consciously and know and be aware of the repercussions of actions. I say tables turn based on experience and when I realized that I really felt that.


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