Reaping the Actions

To say that I have had my fair share of struggles is an understatement some would say. But through it all, I can honestly say those tables always make the full turn. There was a period in my life that felt as if loss surrounded me. Felt as if a huge wall of dominos fell and hit the floor until I came to the understanding that the tables turned. I specifically remember after I had my son how relieved I felt because my pregnancy with him was hard. I had to use inhalers almost the entire time because he was so big. I was miserable during that pregnancy. His delivery was by far the easiest though. I was not planning on more kids after him. So my husband at the time decided to get a vasectomy after I had him. Long story short he didn’t listen to the doctor heed warning about still using protection for a period of time. I ended up pregnant, again. Not to mention dealing with the post- depression after delivery I was scared to death. I could not deal with this again, my mind nor body felt like it was going to pull through another pregnancy. My feelings and the words that I heard from him through me into turmoil and I went and had an abortion. He said that he would leave us because he could not and would not stick around. I had no support and that cut me to my core. So I did that and I have always regretted it. I knew in my heart that it was not right and that God would never want this. I did it anyway.

After that my life was a landslide of loss. Starting with my father, aunts, grandmothers, and uncles, everyone started passing away. My life was broken down to such a point that I didn’t see light at all. It took me six years off-grid pretty much to snap back into reality. And that was one of the hardest things that I have ever had to experience thus far. But I pushed, I worked on myself, and I made it back. Slowly building myself back up, I found myself again. That girl that lost her way during the storms of life. My point in writing this is to not only get it off my chest but to be a hope for someone else. To encourage someone to make decisions consciously and know and be aware of the repercussions of actions. I say tables turn based on experience and when I realized that I really felt that.

More

Ever since I can remember, more has been a part of my vocabulary. More to life than what meets the eyes. More beyond the skies, the sun, the moon, and the stars. More behind everything. I am a person that will observe more than I speak because I have always felt to be misunderstood. To be frankly honest, my entire life I have always felt a pull toward something that I can’t say that I completely understand. I just know it has pulled at me for years. Dig deeper, the purpose is so much more. That is what I have been doing since 2016, digging deeper into myself. After all these years it suddenly dawned on me, what my more was. My purpose was given to me long before I realized it. It was instilled in me before my birth and through the years I was reminded just enough to connect the dots. Oh what a wonderful set of grandparents I had, that passed down generational knowledge my way. They knew exactly what they were doing.

There is always more to what you may think is less than. The purpose of life is so much greater than most realize. A purpose enveloped in love, peace, and freedom. All these things are what he wants and nothing less. We as humans take way more than we should from this planet and don’t put any back. Humans get caught up in today’s society, greed, and just plain self. We all need to start giving back. Back to our creator and our home so it will be a good home for our future generations. Back to our roots, we are responsible to give back to our roots and keep them alive. Pass down the information. Corporate America has way too much control when that should not be the case. They only have what we allow them to have, so that brings me to why. Why do we give human direction more control than our creator? Why take him out of things that he should be sitting front and center? There is more to life than this so much more. When you finally stop and smell the roses just know that everything is intertwined as one and there is so much more.

La Luna

Who to turn to
What to do
Other than staring at you
My big beautiful moon

With so much to say
And nowhere to place
Thoughts and feelings
I do it with grace

Somehow I know you can see it too
That same beautiful moon
A place where your heart aches to grow
Not seen with eyes but felt with your soul

I have always been the dreamer
If you must know
The moon has been my friend
And will be until my beautiful end

Look at the moon tonight
And there you may see, my eyes dancing in the sky
With la Luna, the moon, what a beautiful place to be

Humbly

I believe wholeheartedly that everyone has their unique gifts which we should use for his greater plan. To humble yourself and let go of your pride and ego is not as easy as it may seem. Everyone regardless carries these traits with something in their life. Control is a big issue to overcome also. But one must humble themselves in the presence of our Lord. Humbly I went to him in prayer releasing everything in me to him and what he wanted for my life and what he wanted me to do. I let go and let God, regardless of my wishes. It wasn’t easy but when I let go and let him take the wheel for the first time the peace that came with that is unexplainable. I am unafraid of the future and what it may hold. In the presence of my Lord, who is with me wherever I may roam, I am unafraid. He is who I fear though, his wrath.

While realizing my way was not the answer I also come to the realization that I never had put him first in my everyday life. When I completely let go and let God everything changed. I found an unexplainable peace and he highlighted my path, to say the least. My purpose, my pain, my grief, and my stride all became his and would be used for his glory. I am unashamed and most of all unafraid. Everyone has their gifts, some have many different ones. When a person takes those gifts and uses them for a greater good with love, you will exceed all expectations. I want to encourage you today to seek those gifts for his purpose. Let go and let God.

Psalm 37:5-6

Through Misty Eyes

As I rise above the world around me
I see pain, grief, and misery
What a horrible feeling to see
A world that’s like a prison, or is it just me

As I ascend far above where eyes can see
All my senses are screaming at me
With urgency, I descend back down
Look around my child, rise up now

Shaken to my soul, the hurt was all around
The world had almost become an unbearable place
What a disgrace, this generation
Involved in the destruction of our human race

Everyone is full of greed, envy, and pride to say the least
Wake up can’t you see the deceit
The world as we know it
We can’t submit to this defeat

With your heart so full of love
Go tell all who I am and what I have done
Use your words so honest and true
So that they may see through you

How I saved you and transformed your soul
To see the good and try to be wherever you may go
Tell them how the dark is not true
About a life free and true, not blue

After all, that was lost was really won
Because I gave my only son
You are forgiven through and through
To make those mends and go forth in truth

He will guide and live through you too
Call on his name with all your heart
Full of love and grace
Make that brand new beautiful start

With love so bold and true, be the example
Of what a person can be brought through
This is my gift to you, the knowledge
Of greater works for the greater good

Use what you know to strengthen my roots again
Because this world is full of sin
Depend on me not the man
Because remember I made where you stand

The glimpse I gave you and so much more
Is the key to the everlasting kingdom on that celestial shore
Full of love, not envy, greed, or pride
These things are not from me, my fallen angels keep these emotions alive

Together we can strengthen our roots again
Rise up with me to fulfill God’s perfect plan
Know that all things work together for the greater good
My God and his plan have been misunderstood

Here I am in the world today
Not to throw judgment but to remind you of the hope in better days
Believe with all your heart this I say to you
Have faith that through him all this love will shine brighter than you ever knew

Misty B.

My Father

No one is better than him to me, my father that watches over me. He is there to pick me up when I fall, even though I can’t see him, I hear his call. Forever with me guiding light so my eyes can see, the bigger far better picture of eternity. My hope lies with him because he has never forsaken me, through my bitterness and brokenness, he has and will always be with me. My father is so great and powerful and true, he will carry you too. All you need is to believe in the greatness in which it is all he. He made the sun, moon, stars, seas, the lands we live, and the air we breathe. The world he made so firm and true and everything to sustain us, this is true. He made man and with a rib of man he made woman. From two people we derive as many. My father is almighty, to say the least, but the best part is he is not only with me. Trust he is the father to all and his presence is everywhere you choose to see. All one needs to trust and believe. Let him be your father, he never leaves.

Why

As simple as the word why may be, the effects of it on your life can make or break you. What I mean by that is your intentions behind the word to a situation. Many people don’t even think about that before they say or do things. But in my experience, that intention is taken far too lightly.

Lots of people that are quick to get angry don’t think about a situation much or the outcome, the words come screaming out. I personally have been there and done that, nothing good usually comes either. I am not so much like that anymore because the more I have sit back and analyzed a situation or outcome the more I see why things went in the direction they did. With that being said, I put more thought in my intentions behind my words.

I am a firm believer that what a person gives they get. I have given lots of bad intentions before, mostly during my younger days. Never looking at the intentions behind whatever it may have been. It is said a peron lives and learns, and that is true. Lets say you have had a blow up of bad events in your life that wasnt going so good. Sit back a minute and think about your intentions behind what may have been said or happened. Were they selfish or did you intend bad with those? When I say that, a person has to be honest with themselves. From the heart what did you intend to happen or transpire? Through my life my intentions have mostly been from my heart. Although there have been times when they were coming froma place of jealously or greed. We all have been guilty of that whether its realized or not. If the intentions behind something involves those negative traits most likely the outcome is not going to be good. Those not so good outcomes in my life has made me sit back and analyze them with the question why. Taking the accountability for those actions which does not deflate my ego anymore. Yes, everyone has an ago.

Making sure my intentions are pure and from the heart pure has changed the direction that my life has took. This in itself has been the solution to many things. I am a very empathic person, I always have been. I relate to many people on different levels due to the experiences that I have had during life. I know what it takes to pull yourself out of dark places, alone. When I changed my intentions up to being pure and from the heart good, my life changed. It wasn’t what I was going to be receiving so much but what I was going to be able to do for others. Our creator is pure of heart and doesn’t deal out all those negative emotions. It is intended for us to strive and do the same. To do and say things from a place pure of heart and unselfish. All the other leads no where good. So check your why and see what intentions are behind that. Is that intention what you want in the return? Whats your why?

Stay Blessed Y’all!!

The Call

A call on our lives is something that I believe every human has, whether it’s known or not. The start of my journey because I chose to listen has been years now. The difference that I have felt in my soul started when I was a child. The proper way to listen and follow that call was something that I was never taught to do. It has been something that I have learned through my trials and tribulations because of seeds randomly planted by random people or things. The company that a person keeps is more important than the person thinks usually. To be able to distinguish the difference between good and bad is hard sometimes, especially for empathic individuals. The struggle is real a lot of times. Learning to do this and still be empathic toward people is a gift in itself. To want the best for everyone even if they may not have good intentions is a power not many have.

Our Lord wants the best for everyone, and as individuals, we are supposed to strive for his perfection in life. Perfection does not exist with anyone but him. To be able to strive is to try to do good things with good intentions. Our Lord knows the sincerity of each person’s heart and what they are trying to accomplish. I know without a doubt every bad intention that I have put out there has come back to me. Thus My actions through the years have changed because of what was happening around me I realized it was the repercussions of what I had given. When I finally realized this my life started changing. Everyone has struggles in life but what is done to correct those means everything. To realize and heal oneself alone is a trait that many do not have. Thankfully my Lord showed up and showed out to help me through my struggles, which have been many.

I write and only hit on the high points that I feel may help another get through a struggle or difficult challenge in life. Perfection does not exist and everyone struggles with multiply things through life. I personally reached a dangerous level of freedom when I could care less about what others thought about me or what I was doing. God knows my heart, he always has and that is the one thing that will matter. Not what other people may think or perceive. Your call is based on the realization of many things within yourself. What is your call? Learn yourself on the best level possible and I believe your lead to a great life will start there. Freedom and happiness within the arms of our creator, the one that has been there from the beginning of time, is the best feeling ever. That is where I found my call.

Stay Blessed Y’all!!

Its the Little Things

My life is like a book, some pages are happy and others not so happy. One thing that I have learned through it all is its the little things that really count. So many things that we spend time a lot of time and energy trying to accomplish, they actually don’t mean anything. Spending your life wasting away at a place of employment that don’t appreciate you only to buy things that can be replaced. What means more to you a house full of good memories or things?

I have never been a selfish person. Even at my worst I have always tried to make the people around me smile. Why would I not though, especially since I have experienced all emotions that I may see in others. I literally can’t stand to think that I was the cause of someone else’s pain or hurt. Although I have been before, unintentionally. It hurts and my whole life has been full of that kind of pain, the hurtful kind. I would never want to see anyone go through. Through my 42 years I have learned it has always been the small things that make a difference and mean the most.

When I was on my worse path it was due to loss that surrounded my life. I didn’t know how to deal with it. I started dealing with myself in 2011. When I finally got back home on October 15, 2016, I had to start to deal with the things that I drowned out before. An example is the fact of me not really dealing like I should have with my fathers death. About three years ago, my mom had given me a Christmas village that he loved to stage every year on a fireplace they had. I came home and put it together the way I remembered. Mid way I realized that my father was the last person to pack this village away. The flood of emotions hit me and I cried every time I turned this little village on. It plays music also. All those good memories came back to me and then the pain of the loss. Something the sober me never dealt with. Since I have been back things that don’t mean shit really I have accumulated easily. House, cars, all this materialistic stuff. How is based on the simple fact of me being a builder. I don’t like being stagnant. I am a hard worker and I have never had that mommy and daddy money to jump start my life. Material stuff can be replaced so easily but those memories can not. At the end of life what you do as in the little things is what is really going to matter. The kind of person you are and how you treat others. The memories you make with the people you love and care about. Make them good and give them something to smile about when they think about you. The greatest gift you can give is love especially when you are the one not use to that feeling. To love is great but to feel love and be loved, nothing is better.

Stay Blessed Y’all!!

Faith

My faith and belief in God have never wavered. Regardless of the trials that I have experienced in life, I have never questioned his existence. Sure I have been guilty of getting mad and screaming why me? Now if I feel like thinking that, I just reverse it like why not you? Sit on that thought for a while, and perception may be changed up a little bit. Perception is a tricky thing in life and can be a dangerous thing if you base it on one view.

I remember the day I fell to my knees crying out to God because I couldn’t take it no more. Tired was a complete understatement on all the emotions that hit me that day. Never had I ever felt as helpless as I did in that moment. I was around this person that did nothing but degrade me. Didn’t matter how much I did or whatever it may have been, was never good enough. I felt as if I was in a hopeless situation that was never gonna come to a close, until that day. I remember a feeling of peace overcome me and then I stood up knowing it would not be long, I was gonna get back home. And I did, finally. I experienced lots of things in that relationship that I would never wish on anyone. My nose was broken cause my face got slammed into a counter top, beaten in the head with a dog chain because I wouldn’t let harm come to my dog that had puppies. Had my ass beat several times for sneaking and calling to try to talk to my kids on the phone. It didn’t matter if they answered it still charged so I would call and call and call. I didn’t care though I would take the ass beating if I just heard their voice. After all that plus a lot more, my faith in God never wavered. But after that particular day, he picked me up and showed me the way home. I finally got my new start I had been praying about. Faith, Hope, and Love isn’t just words to me. There is a lot of meaning behind those words for me. So don’t you ever lose faith, always have hope and do everything you do with love.