Numb

During my life I have been through many life changing experiences that have learned me many different things. Relationship wise I have been in long term relationships three life changing ones for me. The hardest thing that I have endured with each of those is the trust being broken. Caught my first husband messing around with some chick he worked with way before I had my baby and boy. I tried to get over it but I never really did. Second same shit but I was in a rehab facility for thirty days so there is that. Third chatting it up on video calls will the ex’s and messenger with another. I really try with people intentionally for commitment but I always end up with the same feeling, numb over the lack of respect. It catches up to a person after years of the same shit, you see it coming miles away. My standards are not much to ask for, honesty, love,respect, and loyalty . Maybe my depth as a person is scary for some, who knows. I know though without a doubt, I love me and the more I do the less numb I feel…

Always Searching

Always Searching has seemed to be a theme in my life. For many years I never knew what that was. All my life I have always had a strong desire to help people. The majority of my years have been spent people pleasing though and I never even realized it until it started to break me. Have you ever felt unwanted? I have. Not good enough, I have. Seems to have been a trend for me.

The feeling of yet my third marriage breaking, that searching feeling started to come back to me. What in the hell was wrong with me? I work my ass off, do all the wifey stuff and try to be good to everyone. If it could have happened I bet I thought it, that’s for sure. I felt that feeling coming a mile away. I was breaking yet again. I don’t really have close friends so I tend to bottle things up some. After some screaming and crying out to God, I figured it out.

It was him. He was what I searched for all my life that I had not once put him first in everything and I mean everything that I did. Always chasing the dollar, not making time for the things that meant the most to me. When I put him at the top he opened my eyes to many things and this peace. This unexplainable peace over came me and nothing mattered but him and what he wanted my life to look like. The concern I had of other peopled opinions didn’t matter to me anymore. He had seen my tears one too many times.

The personal relationship that you have with God can dictate your life good or bad it’s a choice that one makes for themselves. The peace, love, and light that I carry now is a gift from him to me. And it’s yours too, so if you haven’t, let go and let God.

1 John 1:9 Stay Blessed y’all ❤️🕊️

Pure Heart

Only God knows where a person heart is. This year has been a trial for me to say the least. And it’s because I turned my life over to him completely to do as his will may have me do. That is what drives me. My drive to spread love in anyway that I can and to raise awareness about God his gifts and love he has for each of us. My relationship with God has not been an easy one and I will be the first to say I learned the hard way the the majority of my life. The moment I cried out to God about this world and all the horrible things going on, he opened my eyes. In a way that is unexplainable. Since then I have struggling getting started on my dream job because through people closest to me trial after trial has appeared. Don’t get me wrong I struggle, but wholeheartedly I want nothing more to do what he told me. He knows my heart as well as I and I also knows the effects of the Butterfly 🦋

Idolizing

I want to talk about this from a different perspective. I believe this is a highly underrated subject . People think idolizing is something small when in fact it is not. It’s not something to be taken lightly. Our creator is a jealous God and expects to be number one in our lives.

I get in the world we live in today you have to have money to survive but it shouldn’t be priority over him. He has a purpose for each of us and it’s our responsibility to have a relationship with him and let him lead you in that direction while giving him the glory for it all. My entire life has been trial after trial chasing the wrong things because that’s what this world tells us. I won’t ever put things in front of him again. Think about it, America for instance was founded One Nation Under God, and now they are making coins facing away from that statement. It’s ridiculous and very disturbing. I realize everyone believes different but really sit back and think about what you are idolizing in life and where that has gotten you .

I think it’s time this world opens it’s eyes and start putting our God/creator back in his place at front and center. After all he is nothing but love so what’s the harm in that. Idolizing love is idolizing him and we all need that more than anything.

Stay Blessed y’all ❤️

Colossians 3:5

The Effect of the Butterfly

https://gofund.me/245fc6f9

Chain of command

Let’s talk about Ephesians 5:31 for a minute. You are suppose to honor your natural father and mother but when you unite with your partner you still respect them just differently. God is suppose to be number one regardless. Then your husband, wife, kids, then on down the line. I have failed miserablely with this many time but when I realized my way wasn’t working I went the other direction. Conflict will always be present when this isn’t implemented. Check your priorities out if things aren’t working out for you. Bliss and happiness is only relevant with him at the top. I learn something new everyday and by me embracing that boy let me just say it makes my life so much easier. Nobody ever explained anything to me growing up like this and it made a difference. The circle of life is real and if you don’t correct it now it’s going to come full circle again. Respect people yes but in their position…

Holding On/Letting Go

We fight to hold on and we fight to let go. It’s a little ironic, isn’t it. To completely let go and let God is the hardest battle I have continued to fight my entire life. To be so caught up in what we want is a hard cycle to break. Is it what he wanted you to do though. The moment I asked God to take over my life and drive is the day I felt as if I was fighting for my life. One damn thing after another. It’s disheartening to say the least. So here comes the it is what it is mindset.

At the beginning I asked God to use me. To lead me down the path he intended me to be on and glorify his name. To remove any malicious people with bad intentions toward me or my life. Let me just say boy did I see the light. The light that didn’t burn. Sorta ironic isn’t it. The lord has showed me things that I can’t begin to explain while allowing me to work on myself. Life is tough people. Just because someone may look a certain way or carry themselves a certain way doesn’t mean they are not struggling somewhere. Always be kind regardless, you just never know what a person may be dealing with.

If you don’t know it already, you are called period. Called to do greatness to glorify God. If you are uncertain you have to have that relationship first. Putting God on the mountain where he belongs and well the climb is painful but necessary. I know who I am and what my goals are because he showed me the way. He showed me exactly who he intended me to be. And nobody will stand in my way ever again.

More

Ever since I can remember, more has been a part of my vocabulary. More to life than what meets the eyes. More beyond the skies, the sun, the moon, and the stars. More behind everything. I am a person that will observe more than I speak because I have always felt to be misunderstood. To be frankly honest, my entire life I have always felt a pull toward something that I can’t say that I completely understand. I just know it has pulled at me for years. Dig deeper, the purpose is so much more. That is what I have been doing since 2016, digging deeper into myself. After all these years it suddenly dawned on me, what my more was. My purpose was given to me long before I realized it. It was instilled in me before my birth and through the years I was reminded just enough to connect the dots. Oh what a wonderful set of grandparents I had, that passed down generational knowledge my way. They knew exactly what they were doing.

There is always more to what you may think is less than. The purpose of life is so much greater than most realize. A purpose enveloped in love, peace, and freedom. All these things are what he wants and nothing less. We as humans take way more than we should from this planet and don’t put any back. Humans get caught up in today’s society, greed, and just plain self. We all need to start giving back. Back to our creator and our home so it will be a good home for our future generations. Back to our roots, we are responsible to give back to our roots and keep them alive. Pass down the information. Corporate America has way too much control when that should not be the case. They only have what we allow them to have, so that brings me to why. Why do we give human direction more control than our creator? Why take him out of things that he should be sitting front and center? There is more to life than this so much more. When you finally stop and smell the roses just know that everything is intertwined as one and there is so much more.